I can’t believe this, I of all people. I just hurt the one person whose always been there. Even when I didn’t want him around, he became my backbone. He forced his way into my heart, which was was no small feat. Especially since I honestly always loved him. That acknowledgment just made the tears flow freely. I could feel the calm and strength, but I pushed it away, I deserved to feel this pain. I didn’t deserve Eric or his undying love. I have pushed him away since I met him and he never failed to disappoint. He didn’t lie, he never treated me like a fangbanger. He admitted he loved me before I could admit to myself that I loved him. He gets me and all my hang ups. The list can go on, he gives what I need and what he knows I secretly want. All those jealous women have the right to want to kick my ass. Although Eric would never let them, but I’d gladly let them. I deserved it, I need a serious ass kicking, maybe that will keep my head out of my ass. Even letting my shields stay down is selfish, so I’ll just shut down the bond before he feels all this moping. Too late…
Shame and self hatred felt like a slap on the face, it was so strong. Actually seeing My love, my heart laying crumpled on the floor nearly caused me to collapse myself. I laid down next to her trying to flush the bond again with calm and strength, they were deflected before so if I add the love I feel, hopefully she’ll let it through. It seems to be working so I’ll add self assurance. I try to love her and hug her, but she just buries herself deeper in her towel, trying to become one with the floor it looks like. I couldn’t take anymore so I just lifted her to the bed and dried her off. I feel so lost and don’t know what to do so I took my clothes off and hugged my love to me. I feel her pain lessen, but it was still just as strong. I love her so much I can’t keep from being drawn in with her, I feel the sting of unshed tears so strong that I want to cry myself. I don’t want to cry, she needs me to be strong for her, but I can’t help it and the tears flow with hers. My love is crying from the pain I caused, the very least I could do is cry with her. The very most.
After some time had passed, I opened my eyes to the most beautiful face. I see that he has been crying too, I assume with me. I reached my had up and touched his bloody tear stained face and whispered “Eric, I’m so sorry”. I tried to smile, but my face was so swollen. “No little one, I’m sorry” he whispered back. I moved closer into his arms, where I always feel the safest and smallest. I had the clearest of thoughts I ever had and I have to tell him.
‘But it will have to wait.’
I wondered how she got it back together so quickly after her time with Neave and Lochlan. I just chocked it up to her strength and maybe help from her shielding. She only let me feel what she wanted me to feel, It’s much more than I originally thought “I knew you were still tormented by your ordeal, I just didn’t know exactly how much”. I whispered into her hair. I will tell her that I just wanted her to feel guilty, so we could stop fighting. She seems to working something out in her head, so that will have to wait. I just want to pull her tighter to me, make everything bad just go away. For someone so strong, she is never deceitful. I don’t think she has a malicious bone in her. Sookie is my way of reclaiming my humanity, over a thousand years lost.
Eric is so good to me, I know what he is and it doesn’t bother me anymore. I have to be honest with him, I need too. He has to know why I said I was his wife, I can’t have him being happy about something that was said out of a selfish reason. “Eric,I thought that last comment would shut you up, but when I got in the shower I hated myself for it and then hitting you”, I whispered. He looked thoughtful for a moment.”I…” I cut him off by putting a finger to the curve of his beautiful lips. “Not just hitting you…, but hitting my husband. I didn’t know how much I want to be your wife until now”. I whispered looking into his piercing blue eyes.
‘Wait, Sookie just said it to win an argument? Now isn’t that enterprising Ms. Stackhouse, I didn’t know you had it in you.’ I thought.
I suppose she is truly my soul mate, I guess I should be mad at her, but at least she wants to be my mate and not just as my bonded but also as my wife. In every relationship from friend to marriage, there is some form of deception, I know my little one does not normally harbor these ideals. I guess it’s something we can move on and away from. I am no angel by far, Newlin was not lying there. However, I am not the devil… unless provoked. Sookie has seen a lot of my cruelty, but none of it directed toward her and I think that bothers her more. She has such a selfless heart, she would take the pain and anguish unto herself to save someone else. I have found the only true gift of God, my Sookie. When they(we, sine I started off as a human) were made in his image. Sookie is the only one he would call his own, but she doesn’t see it that way. I can’t let her feel guilt anymore so I take a unnecessary deep breath. And look into her sad deep blue eyes and said “Well, then maybe all this needed to happen”