Trying to ignore the whispers and stares since school started has been more difficult than anything and it didn’t help that the ‘french bitch’ is popular and everyone believes her word over mine. Ames and Tara have been my champions since this started. I cry frequently(in the privacy of my own home of course) I hold my own in school and try not to look to upset by this. All the girls I’m cool with have been coming up to me say ‘Eric lost out, ’cause I’m awesome’ and all that jazz. Yeah, I already know he lost out, but that doesn’t mend the big whole in my chest. It doesn’t erase all the years and good times we’ve shared, it doesn’t give me a do-over. Sometimes I think that’s all I want, ‘a do-over’, but I can’t see the end game. I mean, what will happen if we spend the rest of high school together or college? What if we began to hate each other and did and said bad things to one another? What happens if we just decide we don’t care anymore and take the other down with our anger. I guess I took that tidbit of reassurance to let go of what we could have been had we loved each other enough. Sometimes love just isn’t enough.
(0) ~ (0)
It’s been three months and it has gotten better, I no longer hurt the way I used to. I moved through school as I always had, my shoulders set and my chin held high. I saw Eric, but he always had le’ bitch hanging off of him, so never spoke to him. Eric looked well, like Eric. He looked as good as always as if this didn’t effect the way it had me. I spent that month before school started to mope about. I lost nearly twenty pounds and had black rings under my eyes, but I made sure to gain the weight back, mostly. I got better rest to make the darkness under my eyes go away and basically cared again(a little). Eric seemed to want to say something every time we saw each other, but le’bitch conveniently appears. Our text time stopped before school started and I wondered if he had to keep up appearances or if le’bitch found out we still somewhat spoke(it was i’m sorrys and take me backs anyways).
I hated her and I almost hate Eric too. He let her do this to us, he fell into her bullshit trap and didn’t even fight to get out. I don’t get it ’cause he used to fight me on everything and I mean everything.
I asked myself over and over why do I even care, but that answer is clear and I don’t know why I need a different answer. It’s because I want to, we have been friends before anything else and now along with our relationship our friendship is over. I mourn our friendship, fifteen years and one night to end it. I need to just get over it. I actually want to.
“Hurry up Sook!” I heard Ames yell through the bathroom door. Tonight was my first party since the break up five months ago and I had to give myself a serious pep talk. I reminded myself Eric wouldn’t be there and neither would le’bitch or any of her cronies, so I was having fun! Drama free. I went shopping as this was an ‘occasion’ Ames says, so I found something extremely laid back and new for me to wear. I was a country girl through and through, so my outfit would probably freak everyone who knew me out. I bought some red Dickie’s shorts and a black wife beater like tank top and black leather Converses then to top it off a red and black checkered suspenders. It doesn’t seem that big, but I’m a jeans and shirt or a summer dress kind of girl. Punk rock or rock is my favorite kind of music, so I decided to embrace the culture. I went to the mall for a new outfit and stopped into Hot Topic and found the suspenders and ended up with this. I shook my hair to achieve that bed head look that the models wear and stepped out of the bathroom to see Ames and Tara staring at me wide eyed.
“Damn it Sook, you definitely don’t look like the girl next door!” Tara exclaimed smiling.
“Well, I couldn’t find anything in the mall that said ‘hey. new leaf, turn it’ and went into my store and found these awesome suspenders and as they say ‘the rest is history’. I don’t want it to be a big deal, so please guys don’t act like anything’s up. I just want to get out of this funk, I need to,” I pleaded with my girls.
“Ok, but when a cute guy asks about you, I am just gonna send him your way.” Amelia smirks. She knows I’m forcing myself into this and is trying to get me to crack and admit it. Not bloody likely.
We were invited to my friend Jessica’s house, her brother was throwing a party and said she could invite a few friends to keep her from ratting on him to their parents. I liked Jessica, but Bill her brother not so much. When we arrived in my brother’s truck he lent me for the night, I jumped down from the driver’s seat to see the one person I wanted to escape. Eric. I attempted to turn around while he wasn’t looking, but my so-called friend Amelia grabbed my hand a called to a guy standing next to him and I just turned my head and walked in the front door avoiding him completely. I heard a few gasp of shock as I walked through to grab a water before I was stopped by someone grabbing my wrist.
“Sookie, what are you doing here?” Eric hissed quietly so no one heard.
“Moving on and getting a life Eric. What else would I be doing?” I said in a bored tone. I wondered why it mattered I was here.
“Moving on kind of fast don’t you think?” Eric tried to be nonchalant, but didn’t quite pull it off.
“Fast! Says the guy who had a girlfriend before we even broke up.” I said in an amused tone I didn’t quite pull off.
“Sookie, why would you want to come to this party, did you know I’d be here?” Eric said smirking.
“Wow. I have no response to that. Sometimes you can just be a dick, but don’t worry I’m leaving.” I spat at him and turning around to head to the door before I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see Eric standing there with a look of part sadness, part lust, part anger and part….hurt. Hurt.
Why in the hell would he feel hurt? I mean, I was the injured party not the adulterer(kinda heavy there, Sook).
“What do you want from me, Eric? You pushed me away and now your pissed ’cause I want some form of happiness”. I asked annoyed.
“I..I don’t know Sookie. I made a huge mistake before I even knew the truth and now I’m paying for it.” He said deflated. Whatever he was trying it wasn’t working.
“Ok, Eric. I get it, I genuinely feel for you, but I don’t want anything to do with you really.” I deadpanned with very little remorse surprisingly.
After we said what we had to say I turned around and left the room to find my girls. It was hard to walk away, but I needed to. Eric being drugged was probable, but he didn’t say anything, he waited until after it blew up to tell what he thought happened and assumed I would take him back. If it weren’t for this Stackhouse pride I probably would have. There was drinking and probably some drugging going on(which I did not partake in)everything was mellow. I had my dancing and spied Eric watching me from the corner of the room and found his sad demeanor funny until ‘le’bitch showed up. Luckily she didn’t notice me, I assume because of the new look. Me and the girls decided to just leave to avoid any drama. We had fun that night and many nights after that. I didn’t talk to Eric again after that, but I heard things and was happy to find out he broke up with the ‘French bitch’ because it was found out that she did drug Eric and never did anything with him because he was knocked out. Funny actually since he only had sex with her supposedly that one time when he was drugged. As much as I missed Eric and we could resume our friendship, but I can’t forgive his stupidity. He threw us away for what he thought happened and never told me about until he decided to break up with me. He took my virginity and took my heart, I can get only one back and that one is battered and bruised. I’ll be ok though, I promised myself.
Prom was a few months away and I decided I wasn’t going. I hadn’t dated throughout the year so why go. I was prepared to stay home when a cute boy asked me to go with him. Barry Behlboi, class idiot.
“Hey, Sookie. I was wondering if you were going to the prom?” Barry asked with nervousness all over him.
“Hi, Barry. No I’m not going. Are you?” I smiled. I hadn’t noticed Eric there at first, so I went with the truth. “I don’t really do the school dance thing, I guess I just got over it.” I said softly. I said truth , I didn’t say whole truth. It was true I don’t do the school dance thing, but that is a new tradition that started when me and Eric wouldn’t be going together.
“Oh, ok. I was gonna ask you if you wanted to go with me. I get it though, all went down hill when you and Eric broke up.” He smiled sadly and walked away. I was stunned, whether that was the reason or not( it so was the reason) why would you say that? I turned around to hide the tears that wanted to fall only to see Eric standing there. He was handsome as always, but I couldn’t let that break my resolve.
“Sook, you know that’s not true, you always went to dances and stuff. Is it because of me?” His eyes pleading, looking at me for the answer he hoped to hear. He wouldn’t get that from me.
“What? No, that’s old news. I just lost my zest for school functions being as we’re almost out of here.” I said hoping my voice sounded stronger than I felt.
“If I asked you, would you go?” Eric asked nervously. I was shocked he even still cared, but I had a thought and that just pissed me off.
“Why? Are you aiming to get lucky like the rest of the guys and you figure I’m a sure thing?” I hissed. Really the nerve of him. I mean, he was voted most popular, not so much with the guys as much as the girls.
“Why would you think that Sookie? If that’s all I wanted I could have asked any girl.” He asked calmly barely hiding his anger. Why was he so mad, I’m the one who is basically being propositioned.
“Tracks records, Eric. After watching girls fall all over you just to have sex and get at your money like whores, why would I think anything else?” I asked knowing he had no answer for me.
“I never thought of you or treated you that way.” Eric said running his hand through his hair. He always did that when he got frustrated.
“Didn’t you, Eric? Perhaps you don’t remember what you got for your birthday and when you told me about Sophie.” I said venomously.
That was the last time we spoke, prom came and went then graduation came and went, we still hadn’t spoke. I even accepted a tuition to LSU instead of Tulane like we originally planned when he got his scholarship there. I had my girls here with me and college was fun. So far.