CRAP IS RIGHT, SOOKIE
CH. 6 SAME SHIT, DIFFERENT TOILET
Crap, crap, crap! He’s early.
I burrowed deep under my blanket hoping Eric would think I was out of it. I realize I just changed my shirt with him in the room and I’ve never done that before, well I was naked when we had sex, but the lights were off. I just hoped he would just leave and not come back since I’m sick anyway.
However, I realize. I’m not that lucky.
“I know you’re awake, Sookie. Won’t you at least tell me how you are?” Eric asked softly.
I moved the blanket and gave him the hairy eyeball hoping he’d catch on and go. Instead…
“Amelia says you’ve been sick a couple days and slept through yesterday. Have you been to a doctor yet?” He asked with sincerity in his voice, but who was I to trust him? A pissed off ex.
“A couple days? I just started feeling sick yesterday. No, I haven’t gone to the doctor, I figured I’d call tomorrow.” I croaked sounding like a frog with my sore throat.
“Oh, Amelia said you got sick on Tuesday, sorry.” He said with confusion on his perfect face.
“Yeah, Tuesday. Other than this cold I’m ok.” I said wiping my nose on a tissue.
“Sook, you do know today is Thursday right? Thursday evening at that?” Eric said with a concerned look.
I had no idea where Wednesday went. I must have slept through it. And now Eric’s here. Yay..fun for me. Whatever… I’ll have to just deal for now.
“Well, thanks for coming and checking on me, but as you know I hate for people to see me when I’m sick and gross.” I said in a weak business tone.
“You would always let me see you when you’re sick. You said ‘beauty doesn’t count when it’s you’re friends’ and I’m here now as a friend.” Eric said in a friendly yet demanding tone that brokered no argument.
Damn that shit is sexy.
“Fine. You can stay, but you leave the ‘ex boyfriend’ persona at the door.” I stated firmly. I didn’t need him to start his possessive posturing, especially now when apparently I’m sicker than I had originally thought.
“I can do that. I want to help you get better..quickly.” He said firmly and quietly. Eric had an edge that was so determined and familiar that I caved to his demand.
I watched for a moment as he stared at me and I realized I truly missed him and I’d love to have his friendship back, but I don’t think he’d let us just be friends and that truly hurts. We grew up together for heaven sakes. We were close and just that way no matter what the other kids thought or said. We were strong together, we were so close it didn’t matter if we were picked on for being friends when the boys said girls had cooties and the girls said boys had cooties, we didn’t care we contracted cooties from each other. It didn’t matter when ugly Franklin Mott pushed me down and said I was ugly when Debbie Pelt said Eric was stupid for not picking her to play on his team in P.E. . I never cared the girls whenever they picked on me for just being Eric’s friend. He never cared when all the boys picked on him for having a girl for a friend. We never worried about what they said to us or about us.
then we got into middle school and some of their mean comments made me cry one day and it was Eric who made me feel better and told me when we got home ‘ never let them see you cry, they just want to make you feel as bad as they do’ and I would say ‘ what if I need to cry?’ He stared at me an said ‘ come home to me and cry. I’ll hold you and tell it will be ok.’ Eric would let me cry on his shoulder almost everyday in middle school until he asked why I was crying and I wouldn’t tell him. I couldn’t tell him. I loved him and I felt that way for I don’t know how long. One day he just told me to stop shedding tears for those who are jealous. He was such an old soul with so much wisdom, it was like getting advice from gran. I listened. I grew up and I loved him every step of the way. When we got to high school and Lorena, Lorena some shit started flirting and touching him and I just couldn’t do it, so I gave him ultimatum. I loved him and I wanted to be with him and if he didn’t feel the same that was ok, but I couldn’t be his best friend and watch him with other girls. It was kind of ridiculous to ask that of him or ordered more like. He just smiled his big beautiful smile and told me he has loved me since elementary school, I was so happy he loved me too. Those girls didn’t know what they were talking about; saying that Eric only let me hang out with him. He hung out with me cause he loved me, it all just never mattered. When it came to us, it never mattered.
I was torn from my musings when Eric came and sat on the bed. “Sookie, you need to eat and I make a mean chicken noodle soup, if I do say so myself.” he said laughing. I laugh with him because he just poured Campbell’s into a pot and let it cook. When the laughter died down, I couldn’t help but stare at him, I loved it when he laughed. I nodded ok and went to push my covers down when his large hand stopped my task. “Don’t get up, I’ll bring it.” Eric said with a smile and determination.. I just sat back against the headboard and waited. And waited. When he walked back in with a bowl of soup with steam rising from it. “Thank you, Eric.” he nodded in acknowledgment, I just smiled. I ate all my soup quickly and set my bowl on my bedside table before I asked him to get in the bed next me. I loved when he laid down next to me, he was so warm and loving. He was such a cuddle freak, he loved to cuddle when we were kids. I loved it, I thought it was cute. It was our secret. When he got in bed with me I was nervous and excited all at once, I missed this. I missed him, this was too heavy right now. I decided to lighten the mood.
“Eric?” I asked quietly
“Ye-ess.” He answered.
“Do you still go hiking and nature stuff?” I asked setting the stage. Check. And mate.
“Yeah, of course. Why do ask..better, yet why do you have to ask?” Eric inquired.
“Well, I was wondering…” I let the question hang.
“Wondering what?” He asked softly.
“Well, it’s something I always wanted to ask, but didn’t.” I said softly.
“Ask away. You know I’d tell you if I have the answer.” He said sweetly. I kinda don’t wanna do it.
I hop up on my knees. “Ok, alright, ok, ok. Say you’re hiking in the forest and there is a tree root in your way and you didn’t see it, so you fall. Do you make a sound?” I asked with the straightest face I could.
“Funny, height jokes, you’re hilarious.” Eric stated flatly. He always tried to ask like my jokes weren’t funny, but he loved them. That’s ok, I laughed for both of us. until I was attacked by Mr. Tickles.
I missed her and I wanted our friendship back. I know I messed up and messed up bad, but I’d like to try again. We had a very close connection, I think I miss that the most. To have a friendship and relationship like what we had was impossible these days, to find a person who can be your sound board, lover, the one who showed the common sense in any situation when yours lacks some. If she came to that party with me..one. it would never have happened and two. She would have probably spotted it before we were there fifteen minutes, but she wasn’t and I made the most ridiculously stupid mistake. I think if I went to her and told her what I thought happened, Sookie would have picked up on the signs that something was wrong with me. I was sixteen and stupid was my only defense. I could have prevented so much and I didn’t. Sitting here listening to her stupid and extremely funny jokes is like how it used to be. I want this again, I want it back.
“You know Sook. Even though that was a pretty funny joke, I must quiet you.” I told her as I lean forward and kiss her with all the love I have for her. I know she’ll feel it.
After kissing for a few minutes she pulls away. “Eric we can’t do this.” Sookie said string down at her blanket.
“Why? Sook, I know I messed up, but we can work through all that, I really never cheated on you. I just thought I did, so I told you I did and went along with it because I thought you dump me anyway.” I pleaded hoping she’d understand. Not likely.
“Get off me! How did you come up with that? You dumped me remember? You’re such an ass! You were sure you cheated on me, so you dump me and go out with that- that whore and think that that’s reason why we’re apart!” She screeched like she use to when I would when I would cheat in cards. She took poker seriously, she was an intense twelve year-old.
“Yes, I made a mistake and thought that I didn’t deserve to be with you. What if I did it again sober, I didn’t deserve you and you didn’t deserve a cheating boyfriend either. You’re too great, a good person doesn’t deserve a life like that. Cheating boyfriend, lies and whatever else a cheating boyfriend does.” I Spoke from the heart and hoped she’d realize it. Her soft eyes says she does.
“For awhile I was mad about the cheating and you what?” She asked and before I could speak she answered.
“I would have gotten over it. If you love someone enough, you never seat the bull shit.” Sookie implored with glassy eyes. I hated when she cried.
“Sookie I didn’t deserve any forgiveness,,,” I said before she cut me off. My biggest pet peeve.
“That’s it. That’s exactly it, I was over the cheating thing when I found out what happened.” I opened my mouth to say something and was quickly shut down with a wave of her hand. “I then became upset because you took that option from me.” She said softly. I didn’t get it.
“Option?” I asked equally as soft.
I got over the cheating I mean. It still hurt, but I was over it for the most part however, I wasn’t given the option to dump you or save our relationship. You thought something happened and instead of being the man I thought you were, you made a decision, my decision. You want to work it out now?” I just nodded my head, wishing she’d let me back in. sorely mistaken. “We could have worked through it then!” she hissed. Angry Sookie is hot, but scary, but still hot though.
“You were more mad that I tried to protect you rather than cheating?” I asked confused.
“Damn right, you ass! Turned out you didn’t even cheat, but proved you didn’t trust me either.” She finished sadly. I never felt worse than when I thought I cheated on her. Guess I deserve it though. I didn’t look at it that way, you’re right. I trusted you, but I didn’t trust your decision making in regards to me cheating, but I trust you in every other area. You’re such a strong woman, I just summed you up with most woman in that situation. Guess I have some growing up to do.” I said honestly.
“Happy Birthday Peter Pan. “ Sookie said softly and got up off the bed then went into the bathroom and closed the door softly. I remember she said that when I decided I was Peter Pan, she was Wendy and I didn’t want to grow up until my tenth birthday and she kissed me and said she’d kiss me on all my birthdays. I smiled to myself remembering how awesome she was and is. Walked over to the bathroom door and settled my palm on it as I spoke with tears in my eyes threatening to fall.
“I know I messed up and I’m sorry. I realized that I don’t deserve you at all and probably never will. I won’t put you through it again, all my mistakes I made and will make. I can’t do it to you, I still love you.” I said with a heavy heart. I walked away, I walked out of her room to an empty apartment and went down to my car. I’d catch an earlier plane and head back to school. I thought if I gave her time and space she’d realize we belonged together. That’s what you get for thinking, I guess.